Spam is a Four Letter Word

Spam You! Oh Spammitt, Don't Spam with me, Go Spam Yourself. These are my new cuss words.

I've complained before in this blog a few months back but things are even worse now!
August 16, 2007 Spam, Not Just for Lunch
Get ready to cue the Monty Python Spam Song
http://www.mailmsg.com/SPAM_python.htm

It's bad enough that the spam content of my inbox has jumped from dozens to hundreds. Now my blog is getting hit with " Spam-ments". Spam-ments is what I am calling Spam in the form of comments on blogs.

For example, recently Kenny Surtani left a message on Sign-in Saturday. He starts out by saying "Have you ever realized that when you buy readymade suits you get a choice of only a few colors & styles, also finding the perfect fit are quite difficult? Wouldn’t it be better to choose from over 2000 different British & Italian fabrics and get a tailor made suit at a similar price that you pay for readymade suits?" This spam-fo-mercial goes on for 5 paragraphs with a link to his website. I did not approve this "shout-out" so you will not see it on my blog. I rather look like a loser with no comments than ones like these.

I also noticed on most blog groups there are recent "members" that blatently join just to promote their businesses. The first clue is that their "bio" is primarily about their enterprise and the link to their blog is a website for goods or services.

I would hope most people are smart enough to see through these comments and self-promotions. I wonder if spam-ments ever work. How many people would buy a suit from Kenny by finding him in the comment section on a blog? Would you do your shopping this way?

If so, I know where you can get the latest diet and ED drugs, erase your credit card debt and get great replica watches!!! Spamwich anyone?

Primary Politics

I am more amused than bitter but on the off-chance of offending I felt this was a better place for political ramblings.
It seems like the primaries are providing the best of both worlds and interesting tidbits can be found in both the news and on celebrity gossip sites.

Republicans

Mitt Romney, John McCain and Mike Huckabee are the top three Republican candidates.
Huckabee has tried to make sure that Romney's religion is continually pointed out. After all, we can't have a Mormon president! Huckabee, a Baptist minister, makes an "innocent" remark to a reporter "Don't Mormons believe that Jesus and the devil are brothers?"
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2007/12/12/huckabee-apologizes-for-m_n_76542.html

Romney runs ads that attack Huckabee as being soft on crime and immigration. Huckabee cries foul and Romney defends his ads as merely pointing out differences in policy. McCain gets into the fray and also is a "victim" of Romney attack ads. Huckabee then partners up with McCain against Romney. Kind of like a Pro-Wrestling match!
http://poligazette.com/2008/01/04/huckabee-attack-ad-runs/
http://www.observer.com/2007/one-final-chance-stop-romney

Onto Michigan: With the economy in dire straights, Romney injects optimism in his campaign with promises to work to revive the ailing domestic auto industry. McCain takes the opposite approach with his " Straight Talk" and says "Those jobs aren't coming back". Romney wins in Michigan, any wonder why???

http://www.boston.com/news/nation/articles/2008/01/17


Democrats

I do not recommend sending political emails to business acquaintances; especially when we are talking conspiracy theory. I recently received a mass email about Barack Obama being a Muslim with several terrorist ties. I would have suspected a hijacked address book but the woman who sent it is a bit of a "loose cannon".
http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/muslim.asp

Celebrity gossip blogs have been suggesting that Hillary Clinton is having a lesbian affair with her Muslim top aide. I'm having a hard time believing that Hil is having sex of any kind.
http://bigheaddc.com/2007/08/08/michael-musto-intimates-hillary-had-affair-w-female-aide/

http://www.crazydaysandnights.net/search?q=Hillary+Clinton


Trailing behind is John Edwards, also rumored to be having an affair with a woman. In his favor, no Muslim or terrorist ties have been mentioned.
http://www.nationalenquirer.com/john_edwards_cheating_scandal/celebrity/64271



I can't wait to see the "stories" as we get closer to November!

Holiday Newsletters - The One I've Been Waiting For

Dateline: Early last week.....

My husband told me that "The" Holiday Newsletter that I've been waiting for had arrived. I had just come home from work. I was tired, hungry and crabby which is typical for this time of year. Having a retail business ruins the holidays for me.

As I sifted through our pile of cards, my hubby informed me that he hid it and would only show it to me if I was "nice" to him.

" Damn!" I thought to myself. " Nevermind.." I said, feigning ambivalence. There was no way I was ready to be nice. One more week of "Holiday Hell" and I was stressed to the max! I would search for the card later. No way I'm ready to make nice! ( Hey! I never claimed to be a Good Momma!)

How the Holiday Newsletter Contest Started

It all started about this time, seven years ago. We were visiting my brother and sister-in-law in Chicago. They live in an affluent suburb full of image conscience "McMansion" dwellers. I had just finished up with my holiday orders and we drove up for a Christmas visit. As I was catching up with my sister-in-law, she whips out a 5 page Holiday Greeting from a neighbor to show me the " Most Obnoxious Holiday Newsletter " that she had ever received. It was full of boring minutiae and written as a brag-fest of all the fabulous things that happened that year. I skimmed the offending missive and agreed it was the most obnoxious letter that I had seen. Which it was, until we found an even better one waiting for us when we came home .

The card was from a college friend of my husband who lives in California with his family. Written by his "trophy" wife, the letter was a breezy, braggy letter of all the fabulous things that happened that year. It was brilliant! The sort of newsletter that David Sedaris parodies in "Holidays On Ice".

She wrote about her husband's fabulous new job, all the wonderful places they had gone, people who came to visit, .... and then onto the crown jewels- her fabulous children!

"Franklin Jr." was almost one and could already walk & talk in full sentences. Little "Julietta" was a gymnastics whiz, a promising ballerina with a part in a local ballet production, a violin prodigy and performed a duet with mom for her entire school. To a standing ovation, I must add! She had auditioned for some commercials and was shopping around for an agent. And little "Julietta" will be turning 4 years old next month!

Holy shit! My oldest son was the same age. He could pick his nose, got into fights at school and could barely string together a bunch of words to form a sentence. Not the stuff to brag about in newsletters.... or is it?

I faxed a copy of "THE " newsletter to my sister-in-law. I won! She agreed. This was far better than her neighbor's "news". I took a copy of my "winner" to work. We did dramatic readings. I was inspired to learn how to use Microsoft Publisher and write my own "white trash" version of our family's accomplishments.

I began to look forward each year to the next installment and I was not disappointed! Each year "Franklin" had an even more spectacular job, "Julia" in addition to being a "Super Mom", became an accomplished business woman who started her own string of businesses ( Creative Memories, Mary Kay...) and "Julietta" and "Franklin Jr." were even more impressive! That is until last year....
The Day the Brag Fest Stopped! -

Last December, I had come home from work and my husband handed me they daily cache of Holiday Greetings. He eagerly waited and watched as I came to my "favorite" newsletter. It was only one page this time!

Instead of the usual boasting there was a short parable that started with decorating the tree. "Julietta", now almost 10 years old had remarked that it seemed like " it was just yesterday" they had been decorating last year's tree. "Julia" went on to talk about how quickly time passes, children grow-up and they importance of cherishing your family.

I looked up at my husband who was eagerly waiting for my reaction.

" I bet (Franklin) lost his job!" I remarked. My hubby told me I was being an evil witch.

I Was Right... Sort of

We started to send out our cards out in January because I don't have time during Nov. / Dec. to write a newsletter. This past January we decided to send out a Powerpoint presentation on CD.
We had a photo or two for every month with the highlights of what had happened.

One of the biggest changes the past year was that my husband's job was outsourced overseas. He is an engineer. Outsourcing is a common practice with large corporations to save on labor expenses. Rather than take another local job at a substantial pay-cut or move to another state, my hubby decided to take a few years off and be a SAHD ( Stay-At-Home-Dad). No shame in that! We consider ourselves lucky for the opportunity.

Shortly after the cards went out, my SAHD received a phone call from his old friend in California. Turns out "Franklin's" position was cut from the start-up he was working. He was hired back on a temporary, part-time basis and was looking for another position.

"Franklin" wanted my husband to create a start-up company and could line up Venture Capital to fund this. Of course "Franklin" would be the CEO! Unfortunately my SAHD was mildly amused but not interested.

I wonder if this was the reason for the sudden change in newsletter style. Had Julia run out of boasting material? Was there no positive way to spin the past year's events? Is this what happens when you get "Spin Master's Block"?

Dateline: A few days ago .....

I found it!
I knew if I looked hard enough, I could find it. The hell with being nice! There it was, in a drawer with the phone books, a shiny Christmas card with a letter inside. Damn! Only one page and it's another fluff piece of Holiday babble! Not one shred of family "news"!!!!

I wonder if "Franklin" found a new job?

I kind of miss the old newsletters............

Food Safety????

The other day, I went through a fast-food drive-thru to get some soup for dinner. I noticed that the cashier was wearing plastic gloves. The kind you wear for handling food. He was doing double duty, filling orders and ringing up customers.

This always freaks me out, knowing that the gloved hands that are touching my food are also handling money!!!!! Don't these idiots know that money is dirty and can spread viruses such as hepatitis? What the hell do they think the gloves are for???

While I'm sure my soup was o.k., I did not eat the hunk of bread that was put in my bag.

Ice cream shops put wrappers around cones to protect them but the teenage workers will put the cone with an unprotected bottom on the counter. The same counter that money is put down on. I usually get my frozen treats in cups or try to grab the cone before it hits the counter.

I see this sort of thing all the time. Once in while I say something but I know I am wasting my breath.........

The Bitter Hypocrite

A few weeks ago, my friend David called to tell me about his latest food discovery. He prefaced his tale with..." I know how you feel about "pink" products.......". He then went on to tell me about Panera Bread's "Breast Cancer Bagel". It is a ribbon shaped bagel with bits of dried cherries, cranberries, brown sugar chucks, honey & vanilla. This was his new favorite treat.

I felt like the gauntlet had been thrown down. I now had to try this new treat to see for myself if it really was " all that"!

Damn him!!!! I now am hooked. After my second trip back to Panera and subsequent confession to my friend, he informed me that this bagel is only available for a short time.

Why do businesses do this??? Bring in a new item, have it become wildly popular and then take it off the market. How is this "good business"? Why not give the people what they want, when they want, all year long?

I'll show them! I've been back a few more times and am starting to get sick of this dessert-like bagel. Hey, wait a minute..... I bought into their scheme, didn't I? I never would have eaten so many of these bagels in such a short period of time if I could always get them.

Color me pink with embarrasement!

Gas Pains

I am sick of yo-yoing gas prices!

This past Monday night my husband told me that the best gas prices near our house were at a station about three miles away for $2.59 a gallon. I filed that in the back of my mind.

Tuesday morning I needed to go to Sam's Club, where the nearby gas stations are usually among the lowest $ per gallon. Before I left, my friend David called to warn me that there was yet another oil crisis on the news and gas prices were set to sky-rocket once again. Whatever.... After awhile you get de-sensitized to all the oil "crisises" !

As I passed my two favorite gas stations, I noticed their prices were only a penny apart at $2.649 & $ 2.659. I opted to spend 15 - 20 cents extra to fill up at the station that was on the more convenient side of the road. I first went to Sam's and 30 minutes later stopped to fill up.
As I was pumping my gas I looked up at the large sign that advertised the prices to passing motorists.

What the...????!!! The price per gallon had just gone up 24 cents! Fortunately the pumps were still at the lower price. Whew... For a moment I felt lucky.

Last night, one day later, the price went down 10 cents. Why???

How the hell do gas stations set their prices? I am sceptical that it is entirely based on their costs. I am beginning to feel that this is a sick, twisted game that is being played with consumers. This is one game that is not fun and that I rather not play!!!

What's Your Hang-Up?

My Hang-Up is Hang-Ups! The kind that happen when you are in the middle of a task, run to pick up a ringing phone and the caller hangs up when you answer! This usually happens when I am in the middle of a task; like up on a ladder, finishing up another phone call and trying to hurry before voicemail kicks in, or at the furthest point from a working telephone.

I pick up, sweating from my sudden burst of actvity and breathlessly answer..... to which I am rewarded with silence followed by the click of a HANG-UP!

I then look at caller ID and see that the call was either from a toll-free number or unknown.
After several calls a day for about a week from the same number, I Googled it to see if I could learn who it was from. The only thing I found were several other people with the same complaint about this number and one person who called the number and got a fax machine.

What purpose does this serve? Other than pissing a bunch of people off, I don't get it!

Usually these kinds of calls come from phone banks that dial several numbers at the same time, talks to the first number that answers and hangs up on the rest. The tell tale signs of this type of caller are that it is from a toll-free or unknown source and there is a long pause between your answer and the caller's "Hello".

When I get a call like this, I like to wait through the pause and hang-up at the point the intruder says " Hello?. Not very mature or business-like but very satisfying!